How to potty train: Regression

 I know more about toilet training regression than I like to admit.  If you are in the middle of it, I am really sorry.   Here are some things that have worked for me and my kids. Nothing works every time, but eventually something will work whether it is one of these ideas or another.

Talking to a doctor

I knew there had to be a physical problem when my child was sitting on the toilet, and obviously holding it.  The child now loves the doctor, because, "The doctor helps me get better."  There is never a wrong time to talk to a trusted doctor.  Toilet training regression can have multiple physical causes.  Some of those causes require prescription medicine, so talking to the doctor is necessary.  AskDrSears is a medical web-site that I have used, but nothing substitutes for a discussion with a live doctor.  

Identifying an emotional cause

A new sibling, a sibling going to the hospital, and several moves have caused regressions in our household.  In this case, I just tried to do the best I could to reassure my child. Usually, as the change was adjusted to, the regression naturally reversed, but not always.  

Charge ahead, or take a break?  A middle ground

 Some people say that if you let them go back to diapers and start again, they will train faster the second time.  It did not work that way for us.  However, there are times when neither I nor the child can handle charging ahead.

A strategy which I found helpful was to partially revert to cloth diapers.  If the child has success, they get to choose between diapers and underwear.  If they have an accident, they wear diapers.  

I think this works well for a list of reasons.  First, disposable diapers keep the child dry, so they might have a hard time knowing when they have gone.  Cloth diapers let them feel what just happened.  Also, cloth diapers are less comfortable than underwear, so both my kids were pretty motivated to wear underwear.  

 My child  sometimes chose diapers, and I realized that for a perfectionist temperament, the stress of needing to use the toilet was counter productive. Without the stress of a mess on carpet in a rented home, my responses to accidents were more appropriate.   Sometimes the diaper wearing child would make it to the toilet and "earn" under wear.  This strategy let the child feel in control.  I think that was helpful in getting past some of the emotional struggle of regression. For us, it was the right amount of motivation, without the undue stress.

When our move caused a total regression, and I had left cloth diapers behind, I went to Green Mountain and bought six Indian pre-folds, a snappy, and two plastic covers.  That is what you will need if you are starting just when you hope to finish.  If you've never done cloth, ask for the information sheet, it's an excellent resource.

What other tactics would you add to a mom's bag of tricks for over coming toilet training regression? 

Related posts:  How to potty train: Before you actually start

                       When Should You Start Potty Training?

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How to potty train: Before you actually start

As I mentioned in my previous post, there is not a a hard and fast right time to begin potty training.  Most of us end up trying some where between one and half and three.  When my son showed every sign of being ready around age one, I was totally lost on what to do.  In this post and a few following, I will out-line what I did the second time around, and would recommend.

 Here are some steps I would want take after my baby started walking to get ready for the eventual potty training.  These are recommendations of an ordinary mom, not a medical professional.

Introduce some kind of potty chair.

Healthy toilet use is largely about being relaxed.  Ideally. your child should  feel really comfortable just hanging out on the potty.  There are chairs that you dump into the toilet and seats that make the toilet comfortable.  If you're using the big potty directly, you'll also need a stool that makes sitting up there comfortable and safe.   Put the chair in the bathroom and let your child sit on it while you sing or read books.  You might do it on a schedule or at random.  Just make it fun.

Develop a system for clean up.

Conventional potty training involves many, many, accidents.  It is extremely important that the parent not be too concerned about the accidents.  I find that the easier clean up is, the more relaxed I can be about the accident.  You will need a system of dealing with dirty laundry.  This might simply be a bucket with a lid in the bathroom.  Wipes or clothes used for diapers will still be needed.  You will also need a set of rags (or paper towels or old diapers) dedicated to sopping up.  You will  need a disinfectant .   Clorox Anywhere is my favorite, and is cheaper in the store than on Amazon.

Cloth diapers.

This is negotiable, but I think it really helps.  For one thing, the child needs to know he is doing something in order to respond to it.  Secondly, cloth diapers make a nice in-between option later on.

You do not want the cloth diapers that keep the child dry.  Cotton pre-folds are perfect, and the covers you use with them make great over the under wear covers later.  Gerber has some all in ones that they call training pants, but they're hard to find.

When our move caused a total regression, and I had left cloth diapers behind, I went to Green Mountain and bought six Indian pre-folds, a snappy, and two plastic covers.  That is what you will need if you are starting just when you hope to finish.  If you've never done cloth, ask for the information sheet, it's an excellent resource.

Let the child see some examples.

Easy going souls probably already have their children in the bathroom with them, but for some of us it is the last true retreat.  However,  the child needs to know that people go in toilets if they are ever going to want to do it themselves.  In particular, little boys will probably want to know that it is something that men do.  Observing others is one of the main motivators that causes children to actually begin using the toilet.

Rejoice any time they go with a diaper off.

It can be frustrating to have the mess to deal with, but going with a diaper off is something that you will desperately want to encourage later.  Start responding now with a happy " <insert family term here> ! " .

I would not expect these steps to result in full-time toilet use.  If it does, a huge congratulations to you!  Rather, these steps might help a child  become aware and interested in the process of using the toilet, and help the caregiver be ready when the child is ready.

What else helps a child feel ready to use the toilet?

When Should You Start Potty Training?

As any mother of three or more knows, the most knowledgeable moms are those with only two children.  Thus, having pretty well wrapped up potty training with my second, I'd like to share some thoughts on the subject before a third comes along and wrecks my theories!  Please note, these are not scientifically backed assertions, just the observations of a mom who keeps her ears open.

When should you start potty training?

My observation is that the answer to this question is largely cultural.  American pediatricians recommend waiting until the child indicates that he's ready.  You can take a look at the official list of readiness indicators from the American Association of Pediatrics. Some moms say you shouldn't bother at all.  The child will eventually train himself, albeit maybe not until age five! Here's a link to an article by a mom who gave up potty training.  In contrast, my friend in China  received some strong negative feed back from the locals because her daughter was inexcusably old to still be in diapers.  Her daughter was eight months old!  If you are thinking of taking the early route, you may also  want to read this western doctor's opinions, and be sure you're doing it "the way the locals do."

In my opinion the real answer to the question of when is: whenever the primary caregiver says so.   If your child in is in daycare, it's likely that the caregiver has potty trained many children, and you would do well to ask and follow her advice.  Not only will you benefit from her years of wisdom, but your child will have a consistent set of expectations during the day  and in the evening.

Things for the primary caregiver to consider

Potty training is a physical and emotional process.

Muscle tone is an important factor.  A child who is naturally strong will be able to control his body functions faster than one who is more slender.   In addition, some children have special issues that make potty training more difficult.

Toilet use is connected to independence, and the child may react to toilet training depending on how the child feels about independence.  The caregiver may also react based on her feelings about independence, or the act of cleaning up after another.  I  find it somewhat degrading to have to clean up after someone who could have done it for themselves.  It's a personal hang up, but it did effect our toilet training experience.

The younger you start, the longer it will take.

One of my friends did potty train her son, beginning within a week or so of birth.  It took nearly a year before he was consistently using the toilet.  My friend's mom potty trained her child in less than three days, but she waited until after her third birthday.

The younger you start, the sooner you'll be done.

If you glance at the above stories you'll see that starting earlier did result in the child being out of diapers sooner.

The younger you start, the shorter the bathroom intervals you need.

In general, younger children have weaker muscles than older children, so they will need to go more often.  My observation of my children, and friends children is that every twenty minutes is the norm until between eighteen months and passed two-years-old.  This may be why many American moms seem to feel this is the age for potty training.  Running for a toilet every twenty minutes all the time can be quite a chore!

Going on command is different than going as needed.

Although you can apparently train a child to go on command very early, I haven't observed many children who go as needed before three and a half.  If you potty train the child early, you'll also have to train all adults involved in care to think of his or her toilet needs.

Major changes like new siblings and moves will slow down the process.

Most articles and books will actually tell you not to start potty training until you have a period of six months or so free of these kinds of changes.   This is a problem for families like  mine.  By the time we are free of these changes for that long, my oldest might be ten years old!   You can potty train through new babies and through moves.  My son had to deal with a new sister and a move.  My daughter has had to deal with a move across the world, and weeks of other travel.  The changes make it harder, but it can be done.

Going against your community is difficult.

Cultures that advocate early toilet training tend to be more comfortable with children peeing out doors.  Cultures that advocate waiting until the child is ready tend to only accept children peeing in a proper toilet.  If you decide to train your child early, your back up caregivers may not be comfortable following through on your chosen methods.

 On the other hand, if you train later, you may find that people refuse to care for your child at all, as they are not willing to change diapers for older children.  My friend in China ran into this issue with caregivers for her daughter before one-year-old.  In the United States, programs for pre-schoolers around age three may require toilet training.

Let me state again, that the decision of when to potty train resides with the primary caregiver.  There is not a universal right answer for this issue.  I hope that the above thoughts help you make a healthy decision for you and your child.

Easter Week Calendar

I just realized with a start that Palm Sunday is almost here!  Last year we were celebrating in a Muslim country which honored Christmas and Valentines, but the stores had nothing for Easter.  Our family sent treats, but it was too late to ask for other traditional items before I realized I would not be able to buy them.  

Holy Week Calendar

In order to make a big deal of Holy Week, we did two things.  First, starting with Palm Sunday, every day we read the section of Mark that corresponded with the day of the week.  Then I wrote the day of the week on a piece of paper, and we drew a matching picture.

Holy Week Calendar based on Mark

Palm Sunday: Mark 11:1-11

Monday:  Mark 11:12-19

Tuesday:  Mark 11: 20- Mark 13:36

Wednesday:  Mark 14: 1-10

Thursday:  Mark 14:12- 66

Friday: Mark 15

(Saturday:  Nothing recorded, but a great day to use as preparation for the Big Celebration)

Sunday:  Mark 16

A Hymn

A second activity that we did every day is to sing through "Low in the Grave He Lay" by Robert Lowry.  This is the best version I was able to find on Youtube.  Although it does the hymn justice, it is more fun to sing the chorus after every verse, and enjoy the fact that we serve a risen Savior more than once.

This hymn works well as an action song.  We lay on the floor while we sing the verse then jump up and dance around as the phrase "Up from the Grave He Arose!" resounds in the first line of the chorus.

This year we are going to spend part if not all of the holiday week in a hotel, so our celebration will again need to be simple.  I am looking forward to it though.  

Do you have an Easter Tradition that helps your family focus on what it is all about?

Virtual Book Club, Julia Donaldson's A Squash and a Squeeze

Julia Donaldson was a new author for us.  The book that we found was a delightful little story called A Squash and a Squeeze.  My daughter was fascinated by the story immediately.    It has rhythm, rhyme, and some simple counting. 

 Read more at Thriving STEM.

Balance Bikes

This month we're participating in Move and Groove with your Kids at Toddler Approved!  Click on the button in the side bar if you'd like to get in on the fun!

We first encountered balance bikes at a park in Kuwait.  An American boy sped up on this brilliant little contraption, and his mother explained that in California, every one was riding them.  The concept is so simple, it makes me wonder why no one has thought of this before.  Basically, these are small bikes without pedals.  Any child who is walking with confidence can "ride it" simply by straddling the bike and walking.  As the child gains confidence, he can start coasting for periods of time.  If he loses his balance, he simply catches himself with his feet.  Some people claim that kids will know how to ride a standard bike after riding one of these.  We haven't gotten that far, but even if the only benefit is in using it right now, we are getting our money's worth.

One reason we love these bikes is that they do not take up much space.  We keep them in our minivan, and are ready to ride bikes any time we find a path or side walk.  The second reason we love these bikes is that Mom and Dad get some exercise too.  My daughter, two at the time, was able to keep a pace equivalent to a fast walk for a mile or so when we first got the bikes.  Now, both kids can keep me running.  No more choosing between them getting exercise or me getting exercise while they ride in the stroller!  Everybody's heart rates are up.  Both of my kids love riding these. Just this afternoon my daughter and I spent thirty minutes circling the block at her request.

We bought these bikes off of Amazon.  We chose the Glider brand because we were able to get a sixteen inch bike for our tall four-year-old.  Friends have the Strider and like it as well.  Here's the link to the main Glider web-site if you'd like more information or to try to find them in a store.



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Add a little Biology to your Baking

Most baking includes eggs, and any time you're working with eggs is a great time to throw in a little biology. 

Read more at Thriving STEM.

Learning with Playdough

Play dough is an amazing substance.  My kids will play with play dough for hours.  

When we lived in Kuwait, making play dough was by far easier than trying to find it.  A good friend asked me to "try out" a recipe for a church group, and I am grateful for the nudge in the right direction.

Homemade play dough recipe

This recipe comes from CEF:  1 part corn starch, 2 parts baking soda, 1.5 parts water.  (i.e. 1 cup cornstarch, 2 cups baking soda, 1.5 cups water)

1.Mix everything in a sauce pan.

2. Cook and stir on medium low heat, until all at once it comes together and forms into a ball.

3. Cool.

4. Knead in a little extra cornstarch as you go.

I have to admit I was scared to try it, but it turned out brilliantly!  Of course, you can always buy the commercial version.

What do we do in those happy hours?

 Make stuff. 

I've noticed that my kids are interested in making stuff longer if I engage in a little parallel play making stuff too.  This took a little effort at first.  After a while, it became a relaxing opportunity to try something new.  The picture above is my attempt to mimic pottery done by the Cherokee.  Not the work of a master, but it was fun.

Use tools.

When I see that just making stuff is getting a little boring, I like to introduce stuff: the random piece of plastic my son is using above, butter knife, rolling pin, tooth picks, slotted spoon. Of course, sometimes my son starts pulling out tools as soon as we pull out the play dough.

Practice math skills.

My kids love asking me to make tiny balls, which could also be called spheres.  Sometimes we make cubes and build structures.  Sometimes I ask for a particular number of pieces of play dough.  My daughter can count to six pretty easily right now, so I ask for four first.  Then I ask for seven, then five and so on.

                                     

Write.

When we were learning the alphabet I made letters and asked for their names.  Then I asked for the sounds that they make.  Now I make simple words and coach my kids to sound them out.  You could do the same with numerals.

Of course, all this time we're strengthening the muscles needed for fine motor skills.  

Using just one activity I cover all my objectives for the day.  Even better, I connect with my children in a way we all enjoy.

Holiday Cookies

We love making sugar cookies for any holiday, or in between holidays.  I use a recipe from the Mennonite Community Cookbook, edited by Mary Emma Showalter.   Few ingredients, no chilling, and perfect texture ever time make this one more treasure from my Mennonite friends.  

My kids love to do the measuring and mixing.  I place the flour and the measuring cup on an old (see it doesn't look good!) cookie sheet to conserve any spillage while my daughter spoons the flour into the measuring cup, Then we work together to level it with a knife, and count out the number of cups needed.  Perfect toddler math lesson and motor skill practice!

The reason I love this recipe is that as soon as the dough is mixed, it's ready to roll.  I clean a section of the table and use the spilled flour from the cookie sheet to flour it and the rolling pin.

This week we used different sized hearts.  She really wanted to use them all every time, so I explained that the best strategy was to work biggest to smallest.

After the cookies were baked and cooled I mixed a little milk with powdered sugar and added some sprinkles.  (Hint: Mix in just a little milk at a time, and your frosting won't be runny like mine.)

  This recipe was submitted by Mrs. Simon Gingerich.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups butter

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 eggs

4 cups flour

I like to add 1 teaspoon of salt and 1 teaspoon of vanilla with the wet ingredients to give a little flavor.  

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees F.  (190 C). Mix the wet ingredients well, then add the flour little by little. Roll out to about 1/8 inch (0.5 cm) thickness and cut with cookie cutters.  Bake until done, about 10 minutes.

Baking with kids is a great way for them to learn.  It's also a great way to stress myself out.  I always allow at least four times the time it would take me to accomplish the task by myself, and don't expect to multi-task.  I keep the ingredients on the counter, and give my kids exactly what I want them to have at that moment.  I expect them to entirely need to change clothes when we're done, and I banish them from the kitchen while I finish baking and clean up.  So far, they're always eager to join in when it's time to bake.


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Add a little Biology to your Baking

Two Books For Black History Month

February is Black History Month.  Here are two books we've enjoyed recently that would be great for a Black History theme.



The Hidden Feast  is a traditional Black American folk tale about barnyard animals.  The morale of the tale is persistence, although it also teaches gratitude.


Head, Body, Legs  comes from Liberia.  Reminiscent of the Biblical parable about the eye needing ear, body parts meet up in an African forest and learn to work together.

Finger Puppets for David McPhail's "The day the Dog Said Cock-a-doodle-doo "

This month my toddler and I are participating in the book club at Toddler Approved!.  The featured author this month is David McPhail.  

Finish reading at Thriving STEM.

Jamaican Time Rhyme

When Johnny was one, he learn to suck he thumb,
Thumb Tilda, thumb Tilda, half past one.

When Johnny was two, he learn to clean he shoe,
Shoes Tilda, shoes Tilda, half past two.

When Johnny was three, he learn to climb mango tree,
Tree Tilda, tree Tilda, half past three.

When Johnny was four, he learn to shut de door,
Door Tilda, door Tilda, half past four.

When Johnny was five, he learn to dig an' dive,
Dive Tilda, dive Tilda, half past five,

When Johnny was six, he learn to pick up sticks,
Sticks Tilda, sticks Tilda, half past six.

When Johnny was seven, he fly up to heaven,
Heaven Tilda, heaven Tilda, half past seven.

When Johnny was eight, he learn to shut de gate,
Gate Tilda, gate Tilda, half past eight.

When Johnny was nine, he learn to feed de swine,
Swine Tilda, swine Tilda, half past nine.

When Johnny was ten, he learn to feed de hen, 
Hen Tilda, hen Tilda half past ten.

Jamaica

This mesmerizing little piece comes from A Caribean Counting Book by Faustin Charles and Robertan Arenson.  We've done it two ways, and enjoyed them both thoroughly.

Simple Counting

When we first came accross this poem, my two-year-old daughter was just learning the basics of counting.  As I read the rhyme, I illustrated it by holding up my fingers, starting with my thumb, and dancing them in the are to the rhythm of the syllables.  She was soon holding up her little fingers, connecting the number names with the concepts they represent through tactile means.

The inability to do math without fingers is sometimes lamented in older elementary children.  However, as a former physics teacher, I'm much more disturbed by high school students who cannnot do math on their fingers.  There's nothing wrong with counting on your fingers until you're proficient enough that it's inefficient anyway.  Well, that's my opinion.

Telling time

My four-year-old son was already fairly comfortable with counting.   I try to make a point of having a an old fashioned clock with hands in the house when I can, and he had become interested in the clock on our wall six months or so before.  I taught him that when the longer hand was on the twelve he could look at the shorter hand to tell "the o'clock".  He'd watch the clock, just waiting for a chance to tell us what time it was with accuarcy.

This rhyme presented the perfect opportunity to add to his time-telling prowess.  I pulled out our trusty Melissa and Doug clock puzzle. We reviewed how to know when it was an "o'clock time, reviewing an establised skill before moving to the new one.  Then I moved the long hand to the six, and announced that this was the half-past position.  I then asked him to place the small hand on the one.  As we progressed through the poem, he eagerly moved the hour hand around the face of the clock.

Rhyming

As I read through the rhyme, I stop before the number allowing my children to fill in the number that rhymes with the preceding rhyme.  "Shoes Tilda, shoes Tilda, half past ____."  They enjoy filling in the "two" that rhymes with shoe, and sharpen the phonological awareness that reading experts say is so important.

The rhyme ends with ten, but the clock does not.  My son agrees with the clock, so we keep going and my children to generate the needed tasks for Johnny that rhyme with eleven and twelve.  

I hope you enjoy as much as we do!

Jamaican Banana Rhyme

Ten little green bananas hangin' on a line,

A bird eat one, Dat left nine.

Nine little green bananas swayin' in de breeze,

Read more at Thriving STEM.

Jamaican Centipede Rhyme

My kids and I enjoyed the book so much the first couple of times through, that I thought we could get more use out of some of the rhymes.  To help  us get the most out each rhyme, I started making up visuals.  

Read more at Thriving STEM.

Book of Thanks

I was really happy with the results of our Thanksgiving calendar last year.  However, this year we'll be living in three or more different locations during the month of November.  Since our hotel rooms are not conducive to hanging butcher paper on the wall, I needed an alternative.  

Ode to Duplos

With my son's fourth birthday came our household's first set of real Legos.  (Thanks, Grandma!) He plays with them almost every day, as does my daughter.  I'm sure we have many happy hours of building ahead of us.  Stashing the Duplos in the closet made me  nostalgic though.  So, before they disappear into the box marked "toddler toys", let me write a little tribute to the good they've done for us.

Read more at Thriving STEM.

Nuggets on Child Development from Montessori's "The Absorbent Mind"

                        

Caring well for an infant gives him or her the chance to develop to full potential later on.

"And if this period is helped in conformity with the requirements of human life, to that degree will each one benefit, by being better able, later on, to develop his individual capacities. " from Chapter 7, The Spiritual Embryo.

In particular, it is important to talk and read to babies, even if they don't seem to respond. 

"There is an unconscious development that prepares speech, and succeeded by a conscious process which slowly awakens and takes from the unconscious what it can offer." from Chapter 10,  Some Thoughts on Language,

Children's natural urge for independence should be supported in the toddler years and beyond. 

 "The child's conquest of independance are the steps in what is called natural development." from Chapter 8, The Child's Conquest of Independence.

 I think that this is a critical truth for parents and teachers.  Children are naturally driven to establish their independence from an early age.  If they sense that we are their allies in this pursuit, they will learn from us more readily.

"How does he achieve independence?  He does it by continual activity. " from Chapter 8, The Child's Conquest of Independence

Let me make it my business to make worthwhile activity continually available!

 This principal applies not simply to "academics" but to learning constructive social behaviors. "Growth comes from activity, not from intellectual understanding."  from chapter 23, Cohesion in the Social Unit.

The  pre-school years are a golden time for learning.

"Before three the functions are being created, after three they develop.  .   . So from the ages of three to six, being now able to tackle his environment deliberately and consciously, he beings a period of real constructiveness."  from chapter 16, From Unconscious Creator to Conscious Worker

"It is at this age the vocabulary is most rapidly enriched."  from chapter 17, Further Elaboration Montessori elaborates that between ages three and six is the best time to introduce technical scientific vocabulary and familiarity with the globe.   

Montessori maintains that children's physical and moral movements will progress as their mental processes become disciplined and focused.  "The essential thing is for the the task to arouse the interest of the child so that it engages his entire personality." from chapter 19, the Child's Contribution to Society.

Card board people

This was a fun project because it gave me a glimpse of my children see when they look in the mirror. It's also a great way to sharpen the preschool science skill of observation as they get an early start on some human biology!

Jesus calms the storm rain-maker craft

Last month, we tried to float sponges on our Sea of Galilee in basin before our lesson in the two year old room. The sponges didn't float, and neither did the children, but both were equally wet.

Here's the part of the lesson that did work like it was supposed to. We were learning about how Jesus calmed the storm. During the lesson we made lots of noise for the rain and the thunder and the waves. After the lesson we colored the clouds and make our own rain-makers using:

• plastic containers from the dollar store

• coloring picture of clouds. Here's mine.

• beads and tin foil bits to sound like rain... other things would probably work fine too. I didn't want them to try to eat beans, I had the beads on hand and they look kinda cool.

• packaging tape to make sure that the lids stayed on even if someone got curious about the beads

Best Way to Help a Child Become a Strong Reader

What is the best way to help a child become a strong reader?  Read to them.

More specifically, have fun reading to them, regularly.

When my son was a baby, I started a daily habit of reading to him for just as long as he was interested.  By the time he was two-and-a-half, I had to cut back to just an hour or so a day!

My children's "big cousins"  are avid readers and great students in late elementary and middle school.  My sister-in-law told me that when they went through stages of being uninterested, she would read to them while they played.  I think that's a great tip.

Some of our favorite board books.