How to potty train: Regression

 I know more about toilet training regression than I like to admit.  If you are in the middle of it, I am really sorry.   Here are some things that have worked for me and my kids. Nothing works every time, but eventually something will work whether it is one of these ideas or another.

Talking to a doctor

I knew there had to be a physical problem when my child was sitting on the toilet, and obviously holding it.  The child now loves the doctor, because, "The doctor helps me get better."  There is never a wrong time to talk to a trusted doctor.  Toilet training regression can have multiple physical causes.  Some of those causes require prescription medicine, so talking to the doctor is necessary.  AskDrSears is a medical web-site that I have used, but nothing substitutes for a discussion with a live doctor.  

Identifying an emotional cause

A new sibling, a sibling going to the hospital, and several moves have caused regressions in our household.  In this case, I just tried to do the best I could to reassure my child. Usually, as the change was adjusted to, the regression naturally reversed, but not always.  

Charge ahead, or take a break?  A middle ground

 Some people say that if you let them go back to diapers and start again, they will train faster the second time.  It did not work that way for us.  However, there are times when neither I nor the child can handle charging ahead.

A strategy which I found helpful was to partially revert to cloth diapers.  If the child has success, they get to choose between diapers and underwear.  If they have an accident, they wear diapers.  

I think this works well for a list of reasons.  First, disposable diapers keep the child dry, so they might have a hard time knowing when they have gone.  Cloth diapers let them feel what just happened.  Also, cloth diapers are less comfortable than underwear, so both my kids were pretty motivated to wear underwear.  

 My child  sometimes chose diapers, and I realized that for a perfectionist temperament, the stress of needing to use the toilet was counter productive. Without the stress of a mess on carpet in a rented home, my responses to accidents were more appropriate.   Sometimes the diaper wearing child would make it to the toilet and "earn" under wear.  This strategy let the child feel in control.  I think that was helpful in getting past some of the emotional struggle of regression. For us, it was the right amount of motivation, without the undue stress.

When our move caused a total regression, and I had left cloth diapers behind, I went to Green Mountain and bought six Indian pre-folds, a snappy, and two plastic covers.  That is what you will need if you are starting just when you hope to finish.  If you've never done cloth, ask for the information sheet, it's an excellent resource.

What other tactics would you add to a mom's bag of tricks for over coming toilet training regression? 

Related posts:  How to potty train: Before you actually start

                       When Should You Start Potty Training?

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How to potty train: Before you actually start

As I mentioned in my previous post, there is not a a hard and fast right time to begin potty training.  Most of us end up trying some where between one and half and three.  When my son showed every sign of being ready around age one, I was totally lost on what to do.  In this post and a few following, I will out-line what I did the second time around, and would recommend.

 Here are some steps I would want take after my baby started walking to get ready for the eventual potty training.  These are recommendations of an ordinary mom, not a medical professional.

Introduce some kind of potty chair.

Healthy toilet use is largely about being relaxed.  Ideally. your child should  feel really comfortable just hanging out on the potty.  There are chairs that you dump into the toilet and seats that make the toilet comfortable.  If you're using the big potty directly, you'll also need a stool that makes sitting up there comfortable and safe.   Put the chair in the bathroom and let your child sit on it while you sing or read books.  You might do it on a schedule or at random.  Just make it fun.

Develop a system for clean up.

Conventional potty training involves many, many, accidents.  It is extremely important that the parent not be too concerned about the accidents.  I find that the easier clean up is, the more relaxed I can be about the accident.  You will need a system of dealing with dirty laundry.  This might simply be a bucket with a lid in the bathroom.  Wipes or clothes used for diapers will still be needed.  You will also need a set of rags (or paper towels or old diapers) dedicated to sopping up.  You will  need a disinfectant .   Clorox Anywhere is my favorite, and is cheaper in the store than on Amazon.

Cloth diapers.

This is negotiable, but I think it really helps.  For one thing, the child needs to know he is doing something in order to respond to it.  Secondly, cloth diapers make a nice in-between option later on.

You do not want the cloth diapers that keep the child dry.  Cotton pre-folds are perfect, and the covers you use with them make great over the under wear covers later.  Gerber has some all in ones that they call training pants, but they're hard to find.

When our move caused a total regression, and I had left cloth diapers behind, I went to Green Mountain and bought six Indian pre-folds, a snappy, and two plastic covers.  That is what you will need if you are starting just when you hope to finish.  If you've never done cloth, ask for the information sheet, it's an excellent resource.

Let the child see some examples.

Easy going souls probably already have their children in the bathroom with them, but for some of us it is the last true retreat.  However,  the child needs to know that people go in toilets if they are ever going to want to do it themselves.  In particular, little boys will probably want to know that it is something that men do.  Observing others is one of the main motivators that causes children to actually begin using the toilet.

Rejoice any time they go with a diaper off.

It can be frustrating to have the mess to deal with, but going with a diaper off is something that you will desperately want to encourage later.  Start responding now with a happy " <insert family term here> ! " .

I would not expect these steps to result in full-time toilet use.  If it does, a huge congratulations to you!  Rather, these steps might help a child  become aware and interested in the process of using the toilet, and help the caregiver be ready when the child is ready.

What else helps a child feel ready to use the toilet?

When Should You Start Potty Training?

As any mother of three or more knows, the most knowledgeable moms are those with only two children.  Thus, having pretty well wrapped up potty training with my second, I'd like to share some thoughts on the subject before a third comes along and wrecks my theories!  Please note, these are not scientifically backed assertions, just the observations of a mom who keeps her ears open.

When should you start potty training?

My observation is that the answer to this question is largely cultural.  American pediatricians recommend waiting until the child indicates that he's ready.  You can take a look at the official list of readiness indicators from the American Association of Pediatrics. Some moms say you shouldn't bother at all.  The child will eventually train himself, albeit maybe not until age five! Here's a link to an article by a mom who gave up potty training.  In contrast, my friend in China  received some strong negative feed back from the locals because her daughter was inexcusably old to still be in diapers.  Her daughter was eight months old!  If you are thinking of taking the early route, you may also  want to read this western doctor's opinions, and be sure you're doing it "the way the locals do."

In my opinion the real answer to the question of when is: whenever the primary caregiver says so.   If your child in is in daycare, it's likely that the caregiver has potty trained many children, and you would do well to ask and follow her advice.  Not only will you benefit from her years of wisdom, but your child will have a consistent set of expectations during the day  and in the evening.

Things for the primary caregiver to consider

Potty training is a physical and emotional process.

Muscle tone is an important factor.  A child who is naturally strong will be able to control his body functions faster than one who is more slender.   In addition, some children have special issues that make potty training more difficult.

Toilet use is connected to independence, and the child may react to toilet training depending on how the child feels about independence.  The caregiver may also react based on her feelings about independence, or the act of cleaning up after another.  I  find it somewhat degrading to have to clean up after someone who could have done it for themselves.  It's a personal hang up, but it did effect our toilet training experience.

The younger you start, the longer it will take.

One of my friends did potty train her son, beginning within a week or so of birth.  It took nearly a year before he was consistently using the toilet.  My friend's mom potty trained her child in less than three days, but she waited until after her third birthday.

The younger you start, the sooner you'll be done.

If you glance at the above stories you'll see that starting earlier did result in the child being out of diapers sooner.

The younger you start, the shorter the bathroom intervals you need.

In general, younger children have weaker muscles than older children, so they will need to go more often.  My observation of my children, and friends children is that every twenty minutes is the norm until between eighteen months and passed two-years-old.  This may be why many American moms seem to feel this is the age for potty training.  Running for a toilet every twenty minutes all the time can be quite a chore!

Going on command is different than going as needed.

Although you can apparently train a child to go on command very early, I haven't observed many children who go as needed before three and a half.  If you potty train the child early, you'll also have to train all adults involved in care to think of his or her toilet needs.

Major changes like new siblings and moves will slow down the process.

Most articles and books will actually tell you not to start potty training until you have a period of six months or so free of these kinds of changes.   This is a problem for families like  mine.  By the time we are free of these changes for that long, my oldest might be ten years old!   You can potty train through new babies and through moves.  My son had to deal with a new sister and a move.  My daughter has had to deal with a move across the world, and weeks of other travel.  The changes make it harder, but it can be done.

Going against your community is difficult.

Cultures that advocate early toilet training tend to be more comfortable with children peeing out doors.  Cultures that advocate waiting until the child is ready tend to only accept children peeing in a proper toilet.  If you decide to train your child early, your back up caregivers may not be comfortable following through on your chosen methods.

 On the other hand, if you train later, you may find that people refuse to care for your child at all, as they are not willing to change diapers for older children.  My friend in China ran into this issue with caregivers for her daughter before one-year-old.  In the United States, programs for pre-schoolers around age three may require toilet training.

Let me state again, that the decision of when to potty train resides with the primary caregiver.  There is not a universal right answer for this issue.  I hope that the above thoughts help you make a healthy decision for you and your child.

Holiday Cookies

We love making sugar cookies for any holiday, or in between holidays.  I use a recipe from the Mennonite Community Cookbook, edited by Mary Emma Showalter.   Few ingredients, no chilling, and perfect texture ever time make this one more treasure from my Mennonite friends.  

My kids love to do the measuring and mixing.  I place the flour and the measuring cup on an old (see it doesn't look good!) cookie sheet to conserve any spillage while my daughter spoons the flour into the measuring cup, Then we work together to level it with a knife, and count out the number of cups needed.  Perfect toddler math lesson and motor skill practice!

The reason I love this recipe is that as soon as the dough is mixed, it's ready to roll.  I clean a section of the table and use the spilled flour from the cookie sheet to flour it and the rolling pin.

This week we used different sized hearts.  She really wanted to use them all every time, so I explained that the best strategy was to work biggest to smallest.

After the cookies were baked and cooled I mixed a little milk with powdered sugar and added some sprinkles.  (Hint: Mix in just a little milk at a time, and your frosting won't be runny like mine.)

  This recipe was submitted by Mrs. Simon Gingerich.

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups butter

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 eggs

4 cups flour

I like to add 1 teaspoon of salt and 1 teaspoon of vanilla with the wet ingredients to give a little flavor.  

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees F.  (190 C). Mix the wet ingredients well, then add the flour little by little. Roll out to about 1/8 inch (0.5 cm) thickness and cut with cookie cutters.  Bake until done, about 10 minutes.

Baking with kids is a great way for them to learn.  It's also a great way to stress myself out.  I always allow at least four times the time it would take me to accomplish the task by myself, and don't expect to multi-task.  I keep the ingredients on the counter, and give my kids exactly what I want them to have at that moment.  I expect them to entirely need to change clothes when we're done, and I banish them from the kitchen while I finish baking and clean up.  So far, they're always eager to join in when it's time to bake.


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